G’day, truckie mates! It’s your friendly Melbourne-based driver here, ready to share my hilarious day diary with y’all. Get ready to laugh your socks off as I recount the ups and downs of a typical day on the road. 

Let’s start with the cost of diesel, shall we? Thank God I don’t pay for it! Seriously though, have you seen the price of that stuff lately? It’s enough to make you weep into your VB. But hey, at least I get to spend more time on the road, enjoying the sights and sounds of this great city. And speaking of sights and sounds… 

Traffic. Ah, traffic. It’s the bane of every truckie’s existence, am I right? You know what they say: “If you can drive in Melbourne, you can drive anywhere”. And they’re not wrong. I’ve seen some crazy stuff on these roads, let me tell you. Like that time I saw a bloke on a skateboard overtaking me on the freeway. And don’t even get me started on those cyclists who think they’re invincible, so tempting. But you know what they say: patience is a virtue. And when you’re stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic for hours on end, you better have plenty of it. 

Next: having to go to the toilet while stuck in traffic. It’s a nightmare, plain and simple. You’re sitting there, minding your own business, when suddenly your bladder decides it’s had enough. And of course, there’s nowhere to pull over. So what do you do? You pray to the truckie gods for mercy, that’s what. You clench your cheeks tighter than a crocodile’s jaw and hope and pray that the traffic will start moving again soon. And when it finally does, you hit the accelerator like a bat out of hell, racing to the nearest rest stop like your life depends on it. You might even lose a drop or two. Good times, good times. 

And another thing: Melbourne’s famous ever-changing weather. Let me tell you, it’s like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re gonna get. One minute it’s sunny and clear, the next it’s pouring down rain and the wind is blowing like a cyclone. And don’t even get me started on the hailstorms. It’s like Mother Nature has a vendetta against us boys. But hey, at least it keeps us on our toes, right? Like the speeding cameras…same thing. 

All in all, it’s been a ripper of a day on the road. I’ve dodged crazy drivers, battled through traffic, held my bladder like a champion, and braved the elements. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being a truckie is a tough job, but it’s also a bloody good one. So here’s to all my fellow drivers out there – keep on truckin’ and never forget to find the funny side of things. Just some days you have to look a little harder than others. Cheers!